The Tom Waits Project: #22. "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards" (2006) - Part Three of Three

There are few artists who have had as enjoyably weird of a career as that of Tom Waits. With a career spanning over 45 years, he has reinvented himself countless times while providing some of rock's strangest, most eclectic tunes imaginable. Over the course of 2019, my goal with The Tom Waits Project is to explore every single one of his studio albums as well as live albums and soundtracks (no compilations) and chart the shifts in his career as well as hopefully understand what makes him so ubiquitous in pop culture. He's an artist who has always been there, making things weird, but there's a good chance you haven't truly noticed him. Here's your chance to join me every other Wednesday on a quest to find out what makes him so special.

Album: "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards"

Release Date: November 17, 2006

Label: ANTI- Records

Certifications: 
-Certified Gold in U.S. (500,000 copies sold)
-A million copies sold internationally

Track List:

1. "What Keeps Mankind Alive"
2. "Children's Story"
3. "Heigh Ho"
4. "Army Ants"
5. "Book of Moses"
6. "Bone Chain"
7. "Two Sisters"
8. "First Kiss"
9. "Dog Door"
10. "Redrum"
11. "Nirvana"
12. "Home I'll Never"
13. "Poor Little Lamb"
14. "Altar Boy"
15. "The Pontiac"
16. "Spidey's Wild Ride"
17. "King Kong"
18. "On the Road"
19. "Dog Treat"
20. "MissingMy Son"

*NOTE: Listen to it here.

Track Analysis

This section is a song by song breakdown in hopes of understanding what makes each song special in his catalog. Other things considered will include best song, most interesting standout, and other fields deemed relevant to the album.

"What Keeps Mankind Alive"

The third album on "Orphans" kicks off with a return to the familiar sea shanties that have suited Tom Waits well. With an accordion in tow, he brings to life a song, wondering what exactly it is that keeps men alive. The answer is more of primal nature, and it shows in how the accordion's jerky rhythm moves along. There's not a moment wasted on the track, and it helps to establish what has been described as the experimental disc. With its abrupt ending, it has no choice but to feel out of place in all of the best ways possible. It's more of an essay than a song, and what a good one at that. It's an adaptation of Bertolt Brecht, and it's uncanny how well they work together.

"Children's Story"

Of course, a song with such a simple title is not going to live up to Tom Waits growing a conscience. Instead, it's one where he presents the horrors of the world to a child. It's another monologue-style song that features a lot of allusions to death and even mentions a piss pot at one point. It's all so vulgar in its sadness that one has to wonder what nightmares the child will have. It does add some dark comedy to the final punchline of the song where Waits says goodnight to the kid with a laugh. However, it's also in the distorted vocals that things feel a bit unnerving as if he doesn't really want you to go to sleep anyways and wonder about your own mortality. 

"Heigh-Ho"

In one of the strangest turns in his career, Tom Waits was actually allowed to do a cover of a Disney song. It makes sense that he would take on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' echoic digging song because a lot of his personality is built on working-class archetypes. However, that would be foolish to think that he would do anything straightforward. If he can't copy The Ramones, what makes one think that he'll do "Heigh Ho" any justice? It's stripped down and gets to the heart of a man stuck in a hole, digging and digging in a monotonous pattern that makes you long for that sweet relief. It's a clever cover that would take an ear to actually notice that he's doing it at all. It works so well with his style that it pretty much becomes a Waits song, which is something almost no other Disney song can get credit for.

"Army Ants"

The easy question to make is if this was recorded for a documentary or something special. It feels so bizarre that Tom Waits would dedicate 3.5 minutes to the subject of ants. In some ways, it's the most informative song that he's ever sung because in that time he illuminates the crazy world of ants in such detail that it becomes fascinating and disturbing depending on the passage. With the strings being plucked like ants crawling up your arm, it's all a bit unnerving and makes one wonder what drew him to make this song. It makes sense that it doesn't fit anywhere, because even if there was a documentary about ants that he was making, it would be horrifying to just put this audio sample over it.

"Books of Moses"

The song is quick and to the point, detailing how the books of Moses will save Tom Waits. The guitar has a nice hook to go underneath the hoarse voice and creates a hypnotic spell over the listener. It's one of the less interesting songs so far on the album, but then again that's because of how radically dissonant they are from an album that Waits has done before. This is good, but really doesn't build much of a reputation before it's over.

"Bone Chain"

As much as "Real Gone" wasn't his best album, it's been fun pointing out how clearly it stands out in his discography. Don't believe me? This is the third or fourth time that a song has come up that sounds like it came directly from it because of how he uses his own voice as a percussive tool. There's no real structure to this song and is instead a bunch of loops that are fun and weird. It's quick and to the point, managing to convey so much creativity in that time that it makes one wonder how much more Tom Waits has from that period where he was just messing around. 

"Two Sisters"

Once again Tom Waits returns to the world of sea shanties to talk about two sisters who live very different lives. With the catchy rhythm playing underneath of him detailing his time with the Miller, he creates a fun story full of imagery of these people trying to form their own lives. It's one of the more Celtic songs that he's put onto this album so far, and it works to help give it a nice lulling tune as if he's at the docks with everyone else and singing another tune about life on the mainland for entertainment. It's not great, but it definitely captures his gift for melody and making it flow beautifully. 

"First Kiss"

This is a subject that often gets associated with a lot of great, optimistic feelings and bright pop songs. Well, that would be foolish to think of Tom Waits going that direction. Is he happy about the exchange? It sure sounds like it, especially as he sings joyfully at the end of the song. However, the monologue that forms before features a woman that isn't quite the definition of conventional beauty. She sells cigarettes to kids and puts mud in bee stings. She seems kind of gross, but to an outsider, she may seem perfect. It's a nice little song that subverts expectations from the opening note of a banjo that sounds more likely to lead down a haunted road than a tunnel of love. 

"Dog Door"

In one of the nicest surprises, Tom Waits graces the album with a "Bone Machine" era track that is downright demented. Considering how weird that album generally is, it's fun to hear what makes this song not fit there. Along with indecipherable lyrics, he just goes for this weird Industrial music sound that builds into crackling audio and a breakdown that feels like instruments being ripped apart. It's the weirdest song on the album by a mile, and it's an exciting reminder that even if this got nominated for a Best Folk Album Grammy, Waits is not one to box himself into one category so easily. 

"Redrum"

It's another instrumental that sounds like it came from the "Bone Machine" era as well. Once again it's a short musical interlude that probably could've fit on the album if it was just a slight bit different. Instead, it's this nice electronic track that feels like it stops before getting into a circular pattern, forming something delirious. Is this an ode to Stephen King's "The Shining," or was Tom Waits able to think of this phrase on his own? Considering that it feels like a pattern being played backward, it's likely that it owes some debt to King, though both come from a similar brand of authentic madness. 

"Nirvana"

Considering that Tom Waits previously worked with William S. Burroughs, it makes sense that he would be attracted to the idea of putting poets' words to the song. In this case, he tackles the morbid and comedic prose of Charles Bukowski, who fits him very well and allows him to tell a story that you'll be surprised Waits didn't write. Everything fits perfectly together and makes one wonder what would happen if Waits actually committed to making a full album of Bukowski covers. It may not have as much musical flow as his other work, but it wouldn't be out of line with his other albums and their strange shifts in tone.

"Home I'll Never Be"

As mentioned before, he is a man who clearly loved the poets of yesteryear. Even in that world, there was Jack Kerouac whose novels were just as inspiration in creating a beatnik attitude that he has embodied for over 40 years. In this case, he captures at the heart of Kerouac's prose the feeling of leaving home and not being entirely sure what will happen to him. It's another track that compliments his style almost too perfectly and shows how these two are marriage in similar mindsets. It sounds in his echoing voice like he's waving goodbye as he gets further from the door of his home, making it a bit bittersweet in the process. 

"Poor Little Lamb"

It's a nice short song about a poor little lamb that he's eager to be around. Once again, Tom Waits sounds like he's perverting the childlike imagery so that he can make it sound personal and dark. In this case, it comes with the nostalgic use of sound, making him sound like he's on a phonograph with a scratchy tone distorting his voice. It's sweet and to the point, managing to make it sound like he has something more sinister going on. It's good but doesn't leave much of an impression.

"Altar Boy"

It's a shame that this doesn't fit anywhere else on Tom Waits' albums because it's one of the most delightful examples of what makes him brilliant. Much like the other people who inhabit bars, he finds a way to make a man who aged out of being an altar boy feel like he's having an existential crisis. He can order drinks in Latin, but he never got to follow the rest of his dream. It's both sad and a bit ridiculous, especially since most altar boys are only part-time. Still, it's a nice comedic take that makes one realize just how much Waits observes outside of the conventional landscape. The bells at the end were definitely a nice touch.

"The Pontiac"

Unlike most of the monologues that Tom Waits gives, the thing that makes this interesting is that he sounds like he's out an interstate with a child, just talking about a car. He's not talking about it, but talking to someone about how the Pontiac became something prized and then sold. It's straightforward, lacking any production gimmick and instead allows him to talk enthusiastically about a car and what it meant to him. There's a sense that more was lost when that car disappeared, but it's left for the listener to imply. It's a good track, though again it's weird enough to not really fit anywhere else.

"Spidey's Wild Ride"

It's another visit to the "Real Gone" era and the backing track is just as fun as the lyrics. It's another freight train-like melody that builds with a herky-jerky purpose that really gets inside the mind of Spidey. While this came out in a post-Spider-Man world, don't expect this to be about the character. Instead, it's about a man going on a wild adventure that leads down some of the most delirious paths imaginable. It's all a haze of melodies colliding and taking the listener into some weird corners. It's fun and shows what makes Tom Waits for a great lyricist, though it's also a bit redundant melodically to other songs on that album. 

"King Kong"

Once again, it's time for another cover. This time he tackles Daniel Johnston, and it feels like the perfect fit. Sure, it's another "Real Gone" style track, but what makes it exciting is how he incorporates the vocal melodies into something that fits the themes of the song. It's probably the most ingenious example of it. Still, the lyrics are fun and explore what it means to fear a beast when not realizing that he was a king and all the ramifications that come with that. It's a fun little song that beats along like King Kong on the prowl, and it captures what made this era of his music not only fun but possibly an essential piece of his evolution.

"On the Road"

It is now time to return to the world of Jack Kerouac with an excerpt from his classic novel "On the Road." Whereas the other take was more of a direct monologue, this one feels like he's having more fun with Kerouac's words. Here he's adding music and melodies to it, making supporting characters sound more eccentric and lively, making the very idea of leaving home and seeing the states as something to be desired. It's a fun enough song and what's even better is how he manages to keep the melody going. Not all books have a meter to go by, so this was either a happy accident or Tom Waits found a way to make it work.

"Dog Treat"

Is this a song from "Nighthawks at the Diner" era Tom Waits? It really does feel like it should be. After all, where else in his career was he experimenting with interstitial banter on tracks? This has everything that you'd expect from that album, including a crowd listening and taking everything he's saying with humor. They're just enjoying the company and this is a reminder of how much fun it is to just be in the company of Waits. Sure, the jokes may not always land, but it's also about the atmosphere of being in that cigarette-infused club and just taking everything in. It's wonderful, even if it makes no sense how it didn't fit onto said album.

"Missing My Son"

On the album, this was considered a bonus track. In a way, it's the perfect send-off for a journey that has now lasted approximately 60 songs. It's been a wild ride through the mind of Tom Waits, and here he gives one last monologue about pretending to be someone's son just to please a woman. Considering that this section is called "Bastards," it makes sense to feel like this half is being disowned in some way and that Waits is pulling our leg. It's the perfect send-off for an album that is loose-fitting in every sense, never quite feeling singular and instead showing every side of Waits all at once. 

Closing Remarks

The journey through "Orphans" is an exhausting one, to say the least. Even as it comes to the month-long end, it's hard to fully wrap your head around where this compilation really sits in his discography. While there's some from certain eras more clearly than others, it's an album that shows him at his most versatile. He could be romantic, violent, or even twist Disney songs into such an uncomfortable direction. This is 40 years of an artist who never met a challenge he didn't accept. While it lacks a thorough narrative like his other work, it's easy to see these as discarded chapters to something else, trying to piece together a vision that he's forgotten and we're never likely to see. This is a monumental collection, even if it's just as messy and uneven as you'd expect. 

Coming Up Next: "Glitter and Doom Live" (2009)

Album Rankings

This section is dedicated to ranking the albums from best to worst in hopes of finding which Tom Waits album is the best.

1. "Rain Dogs" (1985)
2. "Blue Valentine" (1978)
3. "Swordfishtrombones" (1983)
4. "Mule Variations" (1999)
5. "Small Change" (1976)
6. "Frank's Wild Years" (1987)
7. "Heartattack and Vine" (1980)
8. "Bone Machine" (1992)
9. "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards" (2006)
10. "The Heart of Saturday Night" (1974)
11. "Nighthawks at the Diner" (1975)
12. "Real Gone" (2004)
13. "Blood Money" (2002)
14. "Foreign Affairs" (1977)
15. "Closing Time" (1973)
16. "The Black Rider" (1993)
17. "Alice" (2002)
18. "Night on Earth" (1992)
19. "Big Time" (1988)
20. "One From the Heart" (1982)

Song Rankings

This section is dedicated to finding the best songs from each album and comparing them to each other in hopes of finding which one is Tom Waits' best song.

1. "Hang Down Your Head" from "Rain Dogs" (1985)
2. "Filipino Box Spring Hog" from "Mule Variations" (1999)
3. "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" from "Bone Machine" (1992)
4. "Whistlin' Past the Graveyard" from "Blue Valentine" (1978)
5. "I Wish I Was in New Orleans" from "Small Change" (1976)
6. "Way Down in the Hole" from "Frank's Wild Years" (1987)
7. "Take Care of All of My Children" from "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards" (2006)
8. "Way Down in the Hole" from "Big Time" (1988)
9. "Martha" from "Closing Time" (1973)
10. "Jersey Girl" from "Heartattack and Vine" (1980)
11. "The Day After Tomorrow" from "Real Gone" (2004)
12. "Shore Leave" from "Swordfishtrombones" (1983)
13. "God's Away on Business" from "Blood Money" (2002)
14. "Potters Field" from "Foreign Affairs" (1977)
15. "Eggs and Sausage" from "Nighthawks at the Diner" (1975)
16. "Watch Her Disappear" from "Alice" (2002)
17. "Los Angeles Mood (Another Private Dick)" from "Night on Earth" (1992)
18. "Please Call Me Baby" from "The Heart of Saturday Night" (1974)
19. "Just the Right Bullets" from "The Black Rider" (1993)
20. "Picking Up After You" from "One From the Heart" (1982)