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| Left to right: Zooey Deschanel and Mark Wahlberg |
Welcome to Alternative to What: a weekly column that tries to find a great alternative to driving to the multiplexes. Based on releases of that week, the selections will either be thematically related or feature recurring cast and crew. The goal is to help you better understand the diversity of cinema and hopefully find you some favorites while saving a few bucks. At worse, this column will save you money. Expect each installment to come out on Fridays, unless specified.
THIS WEEK:
The Happening (2008)
- Alternative To -
- Alternative To -
Ted 2 (2015)
This may sound like a ridiculous selection this week, but let me assure you one thing up front: I don't care about Ted 2. The first film was just as sporadic with its incoherent nature as most anything that Seth MacFarlane has ever done. It feels like another desperate plea to throw nonsensical things at the screen and see what sticks. Is it supposed to make sense by making inanimate objects come to life? I don't really think that it does. However, it is one of the more anticipated movies of the summer, so it cannot be all that bad, right? Depending on your view of low stakes entertainment, it will do you just fine to watch Mark Wahlberg react to some of the most ridiculously asinine things in existence.
Though if you're going to watch Wahlberg react to ridiculously asinine things, why not just go for the Citizen Kane of ridiculously asinine things: villainous trees. No, they don't come out of the ground and stomp on people. These are literal trees that just sit there and convince people to kill themselves. There's some other mystery in store, but you don't need to worry about that. It's a movie where really dumb stuff happens and then you kind of get up and leave when it's over. If that's not the perfect summary of Ted 2, then nothing is. It also works for The Happening, which is notoriously bad to the point that it epitomizes the decline of M. Night Shyamalan in one singular film. He has done worse, but he has never done worse like this.
For starters, let's hear his thoughts on the film. He supposedly claimed that in light of the film's negative reviews that this was an homage to b-movies. Truthfully, it does seem like a waste from a director who once received Oscar nominations. However, he still manages to make it into one of the most bizarre, comical stories of its kind. The one thing that does work is how Wahlberg, as a science teacher, is forced to solve the issue, but can only muster up a few choice words such as "What? No." Much like MacFarlane's Ted, we're looking at a man who once received Oscar nominations. We're not entirely sure why, either. He just did and now he's here to tell you "What? No." in a very perplexing voice.
Though if you're going to watch Wahlberg react to ridiculously asinine things, why not just go for the Citizen Kane of ridiculously asinine things: villainous trees. No, they don't come out of the ground and stomp on people. These are literal trees that just sit there and convince people to kill themselves. There's some other mystery in store, but you don't need to worry about that. It's a movie where really dumb stuff happens and then you kind of get up and leave when it's over. If that's not the perfect summary of Ted 2, then nothing is. It also works for The Happening, which is notoriously bad to the point that it epitomizes the decline of M. Night Shyamalan in one singular film. He has done worse, but he has never done worse like this.
For starters, let's hear his thoughts on the film. He supposedly claimed that in light of the film's negative reviews that this was an homage to b-movies. Truthfully, it does seem like a waste from a director who once received Oscar nominations. However, he still manages to make it into one of the most bizarre, comical stories of its kind. The one thing that does work is how Wahlberg, as a science teacher, is forced to solve the issue, but can only muster up a few choice words such as "What? No." Much like MacFarlane's Ted, we're looking at a man who once received Oscar nominations. We're not entirely sure why, either. He just did and now he's here to tell you "What? No." in a very perplexing voice.
I am not guaranteeing that The Happening is a good movie. I may promise that if you're into "So bad, it's good" genre films, this may crack the list a little bit. However, it is more of a recommendation disguised as a memo for you to not go see Ted 2. If you think that this film about killer plants is ridiculous, then you are wasting your time by investing in a film featuring an egotistical bear and a backwards thinking Wahlberg. In fact, he's likely not even acting in Ted 2. You will have to go The Happening to see what that looks like. Frankly, it isn't all that impressive. However, he really does make you remember the phrase "What? No." more than anyone else that year.
I am simply saying that it is a bad week for new releases. If you must go out, see something like Inside Out. Otherwise, you're lost for luck. Maybe visit your local renter distribution center and pick something up. I don't know what. I am not fully invested in backing this decision other than to illustrate my point. Wahlberg is not a great actor and when he does something of value, it's few and far between. The Happening is about as sensible as anything else on his resume at this point. I am just not entirely what else constructive really to provide other than that this may be a decent summation as well as to how scattered The Happening actually is. You likely will get more of a chuckle out of it if you see it as comedy than drama, but I'm going to let you just do what you want.
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