Zombies Can Be Fun Part 5

Andrew Lincoln

To summarize, I chose to do Zombies Can Be Fun as a regular annual column because I personally believed that there was value in it. With The Walking Dead becoming AMC's premiere zombie show and the third best series on the network somehow, it remains the soapy drama that delivers on its promise. Want some gore? They got it. Want a story where people meander around in the woods and have conversations? They got it. I wish that I could find more investment in the series, but it is frankly a little difficult. It could be that its anticlimactic nature that can help it never end is in fact a detriment. It could also hurt that I watch the series and I see a few people from The Wire, which makes me think "I want to watch The Wire." I suppose the peril is cool, but after four years of trying to find scientific evidence as to why zombies are popular, I come to you this time stripped down. 

We're in the fifth season. Where last year saw a rise in my interest in zombie-centric media with the films ParaNorman and Warm Bodies, I came to the season four episode rather cold. I think at best I remember that "Money be green" guy getting crushed by a cabinet briefly. With exception to the first season, The Walking Dead is really hard for me to remember because it always feels like the same story week after week. The group sits around complaining and then eases tension by slamming a zombie to a pulp. I guess it was interesting how they built a society out of this apocalyptic landscape. Even then, what's the point of this show when everyone eventually turns into a grandpa saying "Back in my day, the tram worked."

The only positive thing that I can say is that season five's premiere "No Sanctuary" actually was interesting. Speaking as I haven't seen an episode since "30 Days Without an Accident," I have no idea how they ended up being kidnapped by the Terminus people. I don't even know what they do. From what I assume, it is a Deliverance situation where everyone squeals like pigs. It's either that or bash the Asian guy's head in with a bat. Since I am sure that with a diverse cast that this show is about equality, that would be racist. In fact, the following moments when things blow up and zombies come in catch on fire couldn't take away how much I just wanted some Deliverance action to happen. Think about it. They're in this warehouse about to kill people and then... BAM! They squeal like pigs. I have no idea what I'm saying.

I get why this show works, but I don't understand why it still does. From the Terminus people, who were actually interesting, they transition to zombies, which weren't. I liked the human-on-human hostility because at least now I can properly accuse the show of the masochistic violence that seems to be masked by the zombie kills. Really, what is the point? Some guy is about to kill a baby at one point and Cutty from The Wire decides to sacrifice his own life. I suppose the baby's contract was cheaper. Well, he survives anyway. It's a kill or be killed world, after all. I want to note that I don't hate babies. I simply think that between an established character from The Wire and a baby that can escape The Walking Dead contract without it haunting them for the rest of their life that the baby could be easily sacrificed. Sure, there will be prudes out there that claim that this is wrong. However, is it? The guy killing the baby will get the guilt, not Cutty from The Wire. Also, it will be nice for these people to feel some remorse for the dead.

You see, while it makes for a poetic,  ironic use of the episode title "No Sanctuary," the whole series is a no sanctuary of sorts. Considering that The Affair came on starring other people from The Wire, I have chosen my new favorite show featuring people from The Wire. This is just a redundant show where I know that people are going to die. Sure, Breaking Bad had countless deaths, but they made it poetic. None of the juvenile "spike through the head" nonsense that plagues this show. After so many deaths, what is the point? I don't get zombies because you know what? You can kill one, but like Hydra, it will continually grow new heads and soon you die a horrible death from a zombie munching your neck. There's no justice here. There's no art. 

This is the kind of series that AMC was worried about turning into. They recently decided to ditch their reality program, which was subpar to begin with. It could all be blamed on The Walking Dead. It may have an artistic value to it, but it still is pulpy fun for comic book geeks who follow the series in print and nitpick the smallest details. That is how a lot of the reality shows work, too. They are lowbrow entertainment that somehow gets away with appealing to audiences because they have the base attraction. Comic Book Men is around because people like Kevin Smith. Talking Dead is around because they must have signed some horrible contract with Chris Hardwick to own the talk show side of things. All it is eventually boiled down to is praising the show for doing what we expect it to do. Breaking Bad may have done that, too. The only difference is that Walter White didn't go around killing all of Albuquerque. There was moral aspects applied. And guess what... he died.

The AMC that wants to thrive is the one that felt like aping Breaking Bad or Mad Men. Think of the series that have come out in the past year: Low Winter Sun, Turn, and Halt and Catch Fire. By comparison, none of them have been a hit. AMC is doomed because they chose to go after the commercial appeal of The Walking Dead. They'll never cancel the show because they have yet to get a hit on par with Breaking Bad. They're trying, and I admire them for it. However, their brief stint with reality TV was necessarily flawed. The issue is that Breaking Bad was a fluke with a very silly premise. Low Winter Sun is an aped series because it wants to be that level of prestige.

I don't know. At this point, it is hard for me to get zombies. The cycle will never end. They'll always be third-rate Frankenstein to me. I don't care about any of the characters because I know that they'll all die. It is strange that Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) has managed to stay so groomed for so long. Surely any airborne disease would have caught up with them. Sanitation has to be a big issue. Where are their lavatories? I am more beginning to question the logic of the series, including why the masochistic opening didn't lead to an entire reboot of the series. Kill everybody off and just make the series about something more interesting. That would get everybody's attention.

But what do I know? I am the guy who just pops in every year and expects to find something to like. There's character drama that would work in any other context, but it doesn't blow me away here. I liked this enough to outrank it over whatever last year's episode was. However, AMC has quickly become a joke channel to me. After Mad Men leaves next year, what exactly will keep the more serious audiences around? I want to believe Halt and Catch Fire (underrated), but that's not likely. AMC is doomed, I tell you. Doomed! Oh well. See you all next year. I know that this series is going to be around then.