Channel Surfing: The Mysteries of Laura - "Pilot"

Debra Messing

Welcome to a new column called Channel Surfing, in which I sporadically look at current TV shows and talk about them. These are not ones that I care to write weekly recaps for and are instead reflections either on the episode, the series, or particular moments. This will hopefully help to share personal opinions as well as discover entertainment on the outer pantheon that I feel is well worth checking out, or in some cases, shows that are weird enough to talk about, but should never be seen.

There was a Futurama episode in which aliens would attack the planet Earth if they didn't get new episodes of a fictional series called Single Female Lawyer. According to lovable boozehound robot, the series was about a woman "Fighting for her clients/Wearing sexy miniskirts and being self-reliant." The series was supposed to be a parody of the concept of women having to be attractive and capable of doing their job. Meanwhile, nobody cared that Andy Sipowicz of NYPD Blue was unattractive. The contradictions abound in contemporary culture's understanding of women still. Basically, women can work hard, but they have to look attractive while doing it or nobody would respect their credibility.

The Mysteries of Laura IS Single Female Lawyer, but with a police officer. Joining the ranks of recent failed "I love the 90's" casting decisions of NBC that included Michael J. Fox (The Michael J. Fox Show), Matt LeBlanc (Go On) and Sean Hayes (Sean Saves the World) is former Will and Grace star Debra Messing. With a recent run on Smash, she is primed for another starring vehicle, at least according to NBC. But what to do with this veteran performer who has been working on and off with the network since 1998? 

Along with totally botching their once reliable comedy line-ups on Thursday, their poor decision was to ape CBS. How can you blame them, though? CBS has been the top network for a long time and shows like CSI and NCIS have proven to be excellent in the ratings. Along with the rise of Fox's own detective series Sleepy Hollow and Bones, the move to a cop drama would make perfect sense, even if Messing is best left in a comedic landscape. Of course, with successful film director McG (This Means War) in tow, there's a chance for comedy to spew from her orifice and into our hearts, infecting us for years to come.

The Mysteries of Laura comes from this world of illogical, backhanded complimenting. It is a world where a woman can be successful, but she can't also have a happy home life. Sure, there are logical ways to make homely conflict out of everything, but considering that her husband is an awful dunce who can't grasp the concept of time, Laura's world begins to fold in on itself. In the opening scene, a police chance is quickly resolved by a car turning over and the criminal holding somebody hostage. After not getting anywhere, Laura shoots the killer's ear, which is mere inches from the hostage. When other officers show up, they immediately push away the suspect who has now entered shock, not once caring about his innocence or story.

The series progresses like that with one unfortunate mishap after another. But let's look at the core issue of the series. In the episode, Laura is trying to get her kids into a great school. Never mind that she is pleading harder than her nonexistent husband. She uses extortion, which involves tracking a gym teacher's car for parking violations and then using them as extortion that if she doesn't let her kids in, that teacher is going to jail... right in front of her class. This is followed by somebody evaluating her family, which features the obnoxious kids at one point barfing and shooting toy arrows at the guest. The cliche scenario is made worse by the impressive turnaround time where a song claiming "All of me loves all of you" plays over the father and the kids hugging their mother for being the best. 

This is more because she puts up with a lot of hooey. She is a hard working person, but she is also a very stupid hard working person in a government system that doesn't quite recognize equality. A female character is introduced as a klutz by dropping coffee first on her shirt, then on her computer. This lady works for the police, folks. In fact, there isn't another woman in this episode who gets a positive light. Laura uses them with hostility to get what she wants. The crime itself doesn't matter because it makes no sense and the split screen calls with her partner are poorly constructed. Also, the exposition on how everything was revealed makes no sense. It is a dumb show hiding in over-complicating the facts. It is just baffling.

Most of all, Laura is objectified on top of being a mediocre cop who rose through the ranks clearly on ability to look good in swimwear. TWICE: Messing was seen in some form of erotic clothing, which included an interaction with her children. What is going on with this series and why do we need to see a woman in her underwear feeding children cough syrup? Even when the writers want to be progressive, they have to shove sexuality into this. She is the best mother because negligent people says she is. She is a great cop because her position says that she is. She doesn't pay attention to facts and at one point her black partner Billy Soto (Laz Alonso) is called "brother" by a white man. 

If there was a spiritual follow-up to Brooklyn Nine-Nine, this would be it. However, that series actually solves cases in a reasonable manner and makes us care about the supporting players. There's chances that the series could improve, but it feels like it blew its wad entirely in the first 20 minutes of this episode. The rest has been steam and Laura blackmailing people to get her way... and Messing in erotic clothing. Can't forget that. Unless you feel that it isn't important for the writers to notice that women are inherently gorgeous and need to be in order to fight crime, no matter how poorly or reliant on somebody else they actually are. Laura doesn't deserve anything by the end. At best, she deserves Child Care Services to take her kids away and a relocation to another division. Maybe send her to Sanford, England or something. Make her feel useful.

I have gone on long enough about this trite, terrible series. However, the worst part of the series beyond its Inception-level of contradictions is the kids. Loathe the kids and the negligent father. Loathe Laura for not smacking some respect into them when they were younger. However, if there's one sign that this series has NO redemption, it is the kids. When they are in the park during one scene, a woman interrupts Laura's conversation to note that her two kids are urinating on each other. Umm... that is new territory, but why would there be a need to go there? Surely there are laws against peeing in public, even if you are prepubescent. Also, why would you pee on each other? Is this a recurring fad? Surely a woman who puts so much effort into finding loopholes in the law to get her children ahead could teach them not to do something so juvenile. It makes no sense. The passerby's reaction of "That's nasty" is well deserved. It is nasty. It is also very stupid. I'm sure that like me, she won't be watching this show.