What... Too Soon?

By Thomas Willett

“And we’ll have Halloween on Christmas

And in the night we’ll wish this never ends

Wish this never ends.”

-Blink-182 “I Miss You”

In a matter of days, we’ll be met with Halloween, a holiday whose subtext has been vanished in favor of dressing up in costumes and getting candy. It can go deeper, but I’m not here to judge. In fact, I’m not even here to talk about great horror movies to watch this October 31st (for that, just ask Edgar Wright). The only thing I will say is, don’t forget about the classics, including It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and the Freaks and Geeks episode “Tricks and Treats,” which epitomize my Halloween better than any slasher film ever could.

What’s more scary is how quickly we go from one holiday to another. It’s not because Day of the Dead is the next morning. It’s not even Thanksgiving at the end of the month. It’s a holiday that’s a good two months off.

Probably the reason Christmas is such a depressing time of the year is because it has managed to come earlier and earlier in terms of marketing and consumerism. This past Monday, it officially kicked off with Zooey Deschanel’s group She and Him, who released “A Very She and Him Christmas,” an album with the Christmas standards done in that wonderful Deschanel voice. If you remember Elf as well as I do, it’s reason enough to want to buy this album. To say the least, my real belief is that Deschanel’s real gift to the world should be telling Fox to stop doing baseball coverage and put New Girl back on.

As much as I dislike Christmas music (though Dr. Demento made a great Christmas album), I am also annoyed by the excessive amounts of movies centralized around Christmas. Let’s face it, every theme has been done better by the Jimmy Stewart classic It’s A Wonderful Life. You don’t need Miracle on 34th Street or Jingle All the Way, just Stewart’s classic that lacks the consumerism that subliminally lines the messages of joy. The simple need of family and social importance is the true message anyone should take out of Christmas.

In comparison to the music, the movies are more trite. Where the songs are only 4 minute ditties, there’s 90 minutes minimum of holiday cliches. Sadly, they’re also more prominent in our culture. The biggest, oddest Christmas-themed movie this year is one that I may see just because I honestly believe that this may become the Friday After Next* of our generation.

*I’m not saying that I’ve seen Friday After Next, but if you are familiar with how it shifted tone from Friday’s simplistic day in the neighborhood tale to Friday After Next in which they have to work as a Mall Santa, then this whole argument may make sense.

First off, make yourself familiar with this Red Band Trailer for A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas.

Now, you may ask yourself, “Thom, why would you see a Christmas stoner comedy?” It’s a valid question, and I am sure I will end up not liking it either way. However, there is so much going on here that hinges on your desire to take the concept of liking a stoned person on Christmas. I guarantee that this will be so juvenile that any hopes of it reaching the level of the inspired madcap nature of Bad Santa will have been a pointless consideration.

Let’s start with some back story. It may seem tarnished now (and even more after this movie is released), but awhile ago, a movie came out that no one heard of called Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. It’s very self-explanatory and in the title. The box office was extremely low. However, due to the emergence of DVDs, it became the big success we know it as, and spawned two sequels.

It wasn’t just a cult hit, it has become known by many circles to be one of the most bizarre, funniest road trip movies ever. Rolling Stone called John Cho and Kal Penn’s duo this generation’s Cheech and Chong. Bravo named it one of the Top 100 Funniest Movies of All Time. It also helped put Neil Patrick Harris back into the spotlight, gaining him a spot on How I Met Your Mother. It was a movie that defied its odds with its dumb premise and now sits on most lists of iconic stoner movies alongside Up in Smoke.

Here’s the truth, if you have to ask me what’s so great about this movie, I can give you a laundry list of reasons. The most notable is the movie’s ability to portray racial and stoner stereotypes in ways that haven’t been seen in modern cinema before. It takes two minorities, put them as leads, and crafts a strong enough history behind them to not make them seem lazy. Kumar’s underlying problem is that his parents want him to become a surgeon while he refuses. Harold is great at computer work, though is easily pushed over. By the end of White Castle, both prove their keen sense of skills in a very dumb premise.

Also, it turned the racial profiling backwards. There’s plenty of racist comments in this movie, but they manage to be portrayed in a way that backfires and makes the white race look stupid. Whether it’s the frat boys screaming like a dinosaur or mentally deranged hillbillies, the ability to make the stoner duo seem smart in a world of ever growing bizarre stupidity really helped to add substance and eventually make the narrative arc more interesting.

The tradition continued in the sequel, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Subtlety was slipping and while it had the over the top fun, the characters began to fall into stupid stoner moves. It amped up the stupid, racist white people with Rob Corddry and a scene where Ku Klux Klan Members claim that they are Mexicans. I know what you’re thinking, Blazing Saddles did it better. Yes they did.

While this analysis of the two movies may seem pointless, it has everything to do with my argument. I’m not talking about the fact that it seems like a cash grab, but it feels like it has abandoned any sense of portraying these two minorities in any sort of a positive, clever light. If you watch the trailer carefully, there’s not really any analyses of race or awkward moments. It’s very over the top and against Catholicism. I’m sure that it could be seen as the replacement of race, but this seems hellbent on being so rowdy that it lost the real meaning of what made the first one great (meta Christmas allegory?).

It feels like the movie finally jumps from satirical commentary to a parody of holiday movies. Think the plainness of A Christmas Story is a problem? Then this movie has something for you. You want topless nuns kissing? Here you go. You want Santa hitting a bong? Here you go. You want Neil Patrick Harris getting kicked out of heaven? Here you go.

The series has progressively dived into a desire to be as raunchy and stupid as it can be. It’s possibly due to more acceptance by the general public. Maybe the subtle sense of self it once had is now lost on everyone. It’s been a while and now everything is lax enough where we can openly promote drug use. I don’t even think there’s a legal system that keeps the dynamics of this movie in check. I doubt Kal Penn punching a priest will go punished.

You must ask yourself what Penn saw in this movie to give up working for Barrack Obama. While you cannot accuse him of having a good filmography (besides the Namesake), he was passionate about that job. The fact that he left either means he was fired, or this script really is better than the trailers are making it out to be. I doubt it as I feel that Penn doesn’t make the best decisions in acting. As for John Cho? He’s in Star Trek with Simon Pegg. Enough said.

To make matters worse, I don’t think this movie will succeed on simple principle that it’s a Christmas stoner comedy. At some point, all of the tropes have to be dealt with. They have to understand the spirit of giving, the power of love, and to go the extra mile to get an action figure before Sinbad does. Most of all, I am expecting terrible Christmas music about weed. The Motion Captured Podcast said that this movie is very confident in the fact that it will earn all of its money on opening weekend.

And I am sure of it. It’s kind of sad to think that you go from the praise of White Castle to this. Do know that I am still laughing at the premise of shooting down Santa. To me, there’s an entire movie they could’ve done around that. I am almost sure that the stoned baby scene WILL cause more controversy than the Catholicism discrimination. To be honest, that could either be the most bizarre, dark piece of comedy in a movie this year, or what I’m expecting it to be, which is an elaborate Trainspotting reference.

Either way, I am sure this movie will be talked about because of its over the top nature. I don’t even think many will acknowledge its quality come its release. Stoned babies, wounded Santas, and topless nuns. I doubt it will deliver, but I’d like to believe that these characters take a frank approach to proving how ridiculous certain groups of people are without appearing as bullies (which is hard to do based on the trailer).

In closing, I don’t plan on seeing this in theaters. If I do, it will be a matinee. I hope to watch it like I did the other ones: on DVD. To me, this is a group movie that you watch and laugh at. Lower expectations and just accept that the low punches could be funny. I doubt this will be the naughty Christmas movie I hold Bad Santa to be. It lacks the depth or even expectations. However, I will grant it the desire to be somewhat creative with its punches, even if they’re really tasteless and terrible. This film will never be White Castle and it knows it. In fact, if it wasn’t for the stoned baby, no one would remember this movie at all. I have small hope that I am wrong come the time I shill out a low sum of money to view it.

As for Christmas movies? Has it come to the point where we just begin attacking the ridiculous? At least Bad Santa took a creative twist on a classic holiday fixture. Did we really need to make a Harold and Kumar Christmas movie? It seems about as useful as all of the ABC Family Christmas movies that begin airing next month. Just watch It’s A Wonderful Life and know that it will warm your hearts more than Santa Baby ever could.

I apologize to everyone expecting a great Halloween blog. I pretty much used all of my steam on that last week. I am using this post to say that if you want the holiday to hold impact, just cut it down to a month. Don’t interfere with October just because it’s less complicated. Make the time more limited, so it could be more cherished. I want to be able to have a happy November without worrying about bad holiday music or Harold and Kumar shooting Santa.

The only thing I want to worry about is seeing Hugo in 3D on November 23. Why? If the director of Taxi Driver can be praised by Katey Rich for great use of the technology, then I might as well partake in making one of the best cinematic experiences of the year be the best it can be (note: Nerd’s Eye View does not condone the use of 3D as a regular gimmick). And best of all? It has nothing to do with Christmas.

You can read Thom’s blog every Wednesday and hear him on Nerd’s Eye View every Tuesday and Thursday at nevpodcast.com. Contact us at nevpodcast@gmail.com. You can also read Thom’s movie reviews at cinemabeach.com.