Listmania: Miscellaneous of 2017

A Cure for Wellness
Every year, a lot of random things happen. Nobodies knows where they come from or what exactly they're here to do. While most are easily classifiable by genres such as politics, movies, and such; there are those that you likely won't hear about because, well, nobody really knows what to make of them. For the sake of this year's annual Miscellaneous, we're here to honor those achievements in pop culture that deserve your attention. The following is 15 categories that are worth mentioning, but lack a Top 10 worthy of their own post. Prepare for the excitement, because 2017 was surely a wacky year.

Worst Franchise Starter

Recipient: The Mummy

The idea of a shared universe is almost a joke nowadays. It's in part because of how well Marvel has done and everyone else has, well, not been consistent. That's why it seemed unfortunate that the writers of The Mummy would make announcements for the fabled Dark Universe for the next few years. It set the hype too high for this film, which already had mediocre marketing. Add in a needless Dr. Jekyll supporting character, and you get a film that felt so desperate to skip ahead that it ruined its own good will. The film bombed and the franchise is no more, after only one movie. That has to be a record, though there's plenty to be disappointed by knowing that we're not getting that Angelina Jolie Bride of Frankenstein remake. Now there would be something to talk about.

Most Inaccurate Movie Title of 2017

Recipient: Unforgettable

A lot of films bombed at the box office this year, but odds are that you'd already forgotten the film that promised you wouldn't forget it. There's a good chance that if I didn't remind you, you'd forget that Unforgettable existed. Maybe stars Rosario Dawson and Katherine Heigl feel the same way. Who knows, but it's probably not going to be remembered any better once this Listmania column runs the shallow well of memory jokes dry. Oh, forget it. I'm out.

TV Series with the Title That Best Represents 2017

Recipient: A Series of Unfortunate Events

It would be difficult to suggest that a title as ironic as A Series of Unfortunate Events didn't describe how many felt about 2017. Ever since January, there's been a certain vibe in the air that would suggest that things were going to be lousy this year. There were some odd political deals made, nature set Montana on fire for an entire summer, and a lot of people you admired got accused of sexual harassment. Yes, the year had a very negative vibe to the entire thing, and it didn't help that it didn't die down. In fairness, there were some fortunate events, but they couldn't have happened without the unfortunate ones this time around.

Most Accurate Movie Tite

Recipient: Monster Trucks

In fairness, there were a lot of movies whose titles reflected the movies that they were attached to with more poignancy. However, none were as precise as Monster Trucks, which answered every question you had about the movie in only two words. What is it about? It's a MONSTER that lives in a TRUCK. What do we call it? Monster Trucks. It's the kind of brilliant marketing that sells itself. While the film would have to make the premise work, those who would want to see a movie about monster trucks definitely got everything that the movie said it had. If the box office can be trusted, not too many people wanted it, which is a bummer for those hoping for Monster Caravans and other monster vehicle movies of its kind.

Best Marketing for a Bad Movie

The Recipient: The Snowman

There's no denying that The Snowman was not the best movie of the year (after all, the lead character's name was Harry Hole). However, there was something morbidly fascinating about its first teaser poster, which proposed that "Mister Police" was given all the clues, with a crude drawing of a snowman below it. If you were on movie Twitter, it was the meme of the Fall season, managing to work in dozens upon dozens of premises. It works in part because of how silly it comes across, as if created by a child. If it was made by a child, it was one with a Tommy Wiseau-level of brilliance in its inherent charm. The movie may be long forgotten, but hopefully "Mister Police" is a gag that will live on in bad poster eternity.

Best 2017 Release That Also Serves as a Porn Name for Another 2017 Release

Recipient: It Comes At Night

There's a rule on the internet that anything in pop culture has an erotic equivalent. While the Stephen King release IT may seem like an odd film to have this honor (if just because of the kiddie factor), it's still funny to imagine an earlier release as the title it would likely use. It Comes At Night isn't necessarily an erotic movie, but with certain euphemisms applied, one can easily imagine Pennywise the Dancing Clowns doing something a bit inappropriate in the middle of the night (get it? Comes at night?). Both movies deserve the right to stand on their own, but it's difficult to imagine what other possible title IT could possibly have when it meets that unfortunate and weird fetish route with the sequel.

Best Reason to Get a Hobby

Recipient: Lady Macbeth

One of the year's best costume dramas was a film about a woman who got married and proceeded to be a housewife. The only issue with that is she didn't have much agency in what she did. What follows is one of the most disturbing and fascinating dramas of the year, capturing a woman who entertains herself with some sadistic actions. The movie may be fun, but it's a reminder to those who are stuck around the house with nothing to do. Find a hobby, if for no other reason than to not end up like Lady Macbeth. We all go a little mad sometimes, but if we apply it to a hobby, then only a quilt or baseball game is ruined. If you don't have a hobby, there's no telling what problems you are doomed to get into.

Best Movie That Summarizes Another Movie

Recipient: Baby Driver and Free Fire

On its surface, Baby Driver and Free Fire don't have much in common. Yet there is one scene in the former that captures the entire story of Free Fire. As Baby and the gang goes to pick up guns from a dealer, they get into a violent brawl. There's guns shooting everywhere and it falls into madness. The scene isn't longer than five minutes, but it captures the essence of what Free Fire was all about. That film was a feature length shootout that ended up with far more casualties, but under the exact same guidelines. If you don't have time for Free Fire, just watch that scene from Baby Driver and know that it's the same exact story, minus the use of "Tequila."

Best Feature-Length Toy Commercial

Recipient: The LEGO Batman Movie

There's a lot to enjoy about The LEGO Batman Movie, whether it be how it deconstructs the Batman mythology or its playful attitude. However, there's one thing that was more prominent in all of the ads: the LEGO of it all. Yes, more than telling a good story the film created an excitement for LEGO Batman merchandise, of which seems to be the point of these LEGO movies nowadays. If you don't love the movies, odds are that you'll get a kick out of buying your own LEGO Batmobile, Mr. Freeze, or even a Harley Quinn and Riddler set. It's all there on display in the film, but it feels better to own them for yourself and tell your own story. In that way, it is a very expensive commercial. An entertaining one, but a commercial nonetheless.

Most Symbolic Farewell to the Obama Administration

Recipient: The Bye Bye Man

On January 13, a week before the presidential inauguration of the next president, a film came out that asked the audience to do a simple thing: Don't say it, don't think it. It was the cue of The Bye Bye Man, which would lead to unfathomable chaos in the horror version of losing the game (sorry). In that way, one has to wonder if the film's timing was to suggest that it could be applied to the Obama administration. If you thought of his absence, it would lead to the chaos of the future. Not to be outdone, January 20 marked the release of another fitting horror movie in Split, which focused on a man with multiple personalities and was very self-destructive. Both films had great timing if one was to read them symbolically. Even then, who wants to think about the end of an administration if it leads to the rise of a leader with schizophrenia?

Actor Most Likely to Shoot Himself in the Foot

Recipient: Matt Damon

At the end of 2017, it's easy to understand how Matt Damon could shoot himself in the foot, especially given his controversial remarks around the "Me Too" movement. However, his acting roles haven't exactly made him a progressive hero either. The Great Wall was accused of another whitewashing of history with Damon playing the lead in an Asian story. Suburbicon was a liberal allegory whose message was obvious and poorly received upon release. Downsizing equally hasn't gotten the best welcome, as it has been accused of various problematic accusations regarding race. With the current petition to boycott Damon from an Ocean's Eight cameo currently in the works, the actor definitely has a lot of work to do to not end up with a pretty sore foot. What an odd turn of events for someone who recently starred in the critically acclaimed, Oscar-nominated film The Martians.

Best Song in a Bad Movie

Recipient: Beauty and the Beast - "Evermore"

There's a lot to not like about Beauty and the Beast's live action remake. The most egregious is that the singing is borderline offensive thanks to its choice to scat sing all of the originals with distracting pauses and line changes that add nothing to the music. It's a reminder of how toxic remakes can be when trying to mine for gold in an empty well. With that said, "Evermore" is the one new note that proved how much better the music could've been. Dan Stevens sings the song with an earnest focus that makes one wonder what happened to the rest of the soundtrack. Why did nobody care to try on the other songs? If it wasn't for "Evermore" and its impact as a song, this film would likely be quickly forgotten in spite of making tons of money. It's bad, but that song sure isn't, which is the most frustrating aspect of all.

Strangest Translation of a Foreign Film

Recipient: Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You

In 2017, there's not much really to argue about with the Pokemon mythology. Those who like it will still like it. However, the release of a new movie brought with it a new controversy. After 20 years of main character Pikachu speaking a limited dialogue, he now speaks English. For those who grew up with the English translation, it's a bit baffling to think that he's been deceiving us for all of these years. It was all that was necessary to make a franchise that's most relevant feature is an augmented reality game seem relevant again. It may have not lasted long, but it's still weird to know that Pokemon speak our language. It makes you wonder what else they are hiding.

Artist of the Year (Who Has Been Dead for 20 Years)

Recipient: John Denver

On October 12, 1997, singer John Denver died. However, he seems just as important as ever thanks to movies in 2017. The man has gotten around and provided some profound moments in pop culture, and it seemed to come at one movie a month. Among the list was Alien: Covenant, Logan Lucky, Okja, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul. It's quite an impressive list, given his current condition. Still, it's a testament that his music was good enough to make it to the 21st century and fuel some of the most emotional and effective moments of the year. Who knows. Maybe next year will see him double up his output and outshine contemporaries like Imagine Dragons or Beyonce. He's done plenty in life, but even more in death. John Denver is a legend for a reason, and we're glad to have him back.

Word of the Year

Recipient: Wonder

The oddest detail of pop culture is that this was the year of "Wonder." No, literally. More than any other film, there were a ton of films that featured the word, which was more than the phrase "Your Name" could suggest (see: Call Me By Your Name and Your Name). In total, Wonder had: Wonnderstruck, Wonder Woman, Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, Wonder Wheel, and of course Wonder. It's hard to understand what exactly lead to this phenomenon, but it made the struggle to distinguish them all that more difficult With that said, it's interesting to see a trend like this for a word that hasn't been common in movie title vernacular in quite some time. 

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