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| Aquaman in Justice League |
While 2017 has produced a lot of great content, there were still a few things that came up a bit short. In today's entry, it's time to explore the entries of film and TV that failed to deliver on the exciting promises they held. This isn't a compilation of the worst moments of 2017, but more a list of things that had the chance to be great, but came up a bit short. In some cases, both intersect, but most of these entries have some good in them, but they were buried underneath missed opportunity. This is a remembrance of the year that was in terms of shrugged shoulders, which is about the best way to describe these entries.
1. Celebrities in general
The one thing that has dominated the second half of 2017 in pop culture is the rampant accusations of sexual harassment. There's too many to name here, but the list features a few that are obvious (Harvey Weinstein) to somewhat more shocking, whether they be Kevin Spacey's odd "coming out" sexual harassment apology letter, or Louis C.K. trying to cover his tracks while getting his movie I Love You Daddy pulled from existence. There's a Tolstoy novel's worth of information that has spilled in the past three months, and it only makes the sick, sad world of Hollywood look sadder. Hopefully it will lead to change, but it's tough to think that some people's decades of influence were deceptively awful. On one hand, this isn't disappointing because of how progressive the conversation has been. However, it's sad to think how much power was abused behind closed doors.
2. The repeal of net neutrality
The old adage of "You can't fight city hall" seemed to hold some truth this year as the government pulled some heinous acts. We've tried to stop them, but it couldn't stop the repeal of net neutrality. It's a loss for us all. While I have faith that change CAN be made, it's worrisome that we're on a downward spiral that could possibly lead to me having to cut ties with you fine readers. I know that is the worst extent possible, but this is how it starts. It's disappointing stuff, but hopefully this is not going to get worse next year, if just because it's Optigrab's 10th anniversary, and that would be a nice thing to celebrate.
3. The Bad Batch
For me, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night was one of the best directorial debuts of the decade. I was eager to see what director Ana-Lily Amirpour would do next. To some extent, the choice to do another neo-western was a good call, though to mix it with Burning Man psychedelic imagery and a confusing Jim Carrey performance, the film felt meandering and lacked a compelling depth that made Amirpour so promising. She still has a lot that is... interesting, but it's not enough to make this film interesting enough to be as good as the skateboarding vampire western film that came before. Oh well. At least those yellow shorts are iconic.
4. Coco gets hijacked by a mentally impaired snowman short
In recent weeks, I wrote a piece defending longer movie shorts. I believe that it's an untapped market that could potentially redesign the theatrical experience. With that said, the Pixar film Coco was not the smartest place to try it out. Olaf's Frozen Adventure is arguably the biggest, most cynical cash grab that Disney tried to pull this year (and they just bought Fox) by placing an almost 30 minute short in front of a kids' movie. Why? Because they lacked faith in Coco, which may or may not be implicitly racist. For those who were sad to see it finally pulled from theaters after major complaints, it made the rounds on TV (where it was initially to premiere) and available from overpriced streaming service sellers. Frozen is Disney's biggest movie, but that doesn't mean it needs to literally be everywhere, let alone with a short that is notoriously maligned by theater goers who thought they walked into the wrong theater.
5. Rick and Morty fans ruin McDonald's
As mentioned earlier in Listmania, Rick and Morty's April Fool's Day episode was one of the best surprises of 2017. In fact, the whole third season was a great continuation of the adult cartoon series. Yet there was one joke that got taken to an obnoxious level: the Schezuan sauce that McDonald's sold during the release of Mulan. The meme became so popular that McDonald's sold it briefly. Briefly in part meaning that they were under-stocked, which lead to fans throwing tantrums over Schezuan sauce and buying ridiculous quantities on E-Bay. While uber-fans ruin everything, Rick and Morty fans top the list this year because of how they set back the smarter people who let a joke be a joke instead of becoming the joke.
6. The Dark Tower
In one way, 2017 was a great year for Stephen King thanks to films like IT, Gerald's Game, and the Mr. Mercedes TV series. Then there was The Dark Tower, which King has only come to acknowledge was poorly handled. Read any line from any of the books and you'll discover a world dense with amazing fantasy and western imagery. It makes sense why it would be difficult to adapt, but what this film presupposes is starting in the middle and not even feature the cool parts of the books. It probably doesn't seem so bad to people who haven't read the books, but trust those who have when saying that you were robbed of so much more. Those waiting decades for this moment likely suffered aneurysms, knowing that the simple task of starting at the bare bones beginning was the first mistake in a film full of them.
7. The Defenders
If there's one thing that 2017 unfortunately had, it was solidified doubt in Netflix's extension of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. First came Iron Fist, which remains the most maligned series in this franchise. Later would come the controversial The Punisher - delayed due to uncomfortable parallels to reality. However, The Avengers moment that brought the street heroes together was both as underwhelming and fun as one could expect. While it was fun to watch these characters interact, the truncated story felt overlong and played into the best and worst tendencies of each character. It's not the perfect embodiment of what these characters could be, but hopefully will mark the end of the terrible story lines with The Hand. The only thing that could be more disappointing is if this marks a dip in quality for Jessica Jones - the obvious best of the batch - next year.
8. Man buys ticket to woman-only Wonder Woman screening
The Wonder Woman sensation came in like a wrecking ball this summer, and it started the odd conversation between audiences. On one hand, this was the long overdue masterpiece for the Amazon Warrior, not to mention the first great female superhero movie. However, the choice for Alamo Drafthouse in NYC to do an all-woman screening lead to small controversy when a man touted buying a ticket. What should've been a triumphant moment ended up turning into the old debate about "Why can't women have nice things?" The man didn't show up, but the idea that trolling women in this manner was offensive. On one hand, the screening was a success otherwise, but that moment showed how much needs to change culturally for women to so much as watch a movie without men giving their two cents.
9. The Circle
Director James Ponsoldt has had an excellent run over the years, recently producing the great David Foster Wallace movie The End of the Tour. However, his first big budget movie proved to be a bit underwhelming when he tackled the internet age. In some respects, it was a lukewarm version of the Black Mirror episode "Nosedive," but didn't help that the story was too familiar and lacking a deeper and more interesting plot besides that computers are scary and big brother is watching. It's a misfire from a great director, not to mention the decent performances by Emma Watson and Tom Hanks. There was something missing here, and it's doubtful that this movie will go down as being as provocative as it thinks it is.
10. Suburbicon
There's plenty of politically charged moments of 2017 that would make a movie like Suburbicon seemed prime for success. However, George Clooney's latest as director was a film that used the recent climate as an excuse to retool a satire of 50's suburbia into a film that included a subplot involving a fairly obvious race debate. The film was a dark comedy that didn't quite always hit at the right moments. It may gain a cult audiences in years to come, but currently lacks a relevancy to make it seem like more than an outdated revamp of the old timey liberal agenda, but with more demented scenes that feel kind of forced when held as a profound statement about the modern era. Its one lasting appeal is that it has Matt Damon in an unlikable role, which is very trendy right now. Everything else? Not so much.
11. Dr. Jekyll in The Mummy (2017)
Speaking as The Dark Universe is officially dead, it makes the choice to shoehorn in the Dr. Jekyll plot into The Mummy seem even more egregious. He was supposed to be the force that assembled the monsters, and from the first minute he seemed to hijack the decent premise of the film. This was an obnoxious promo for what was to come, not given enough context with belief that it will be explained later. However, the most annoying part was that Russell Crowe's performance was at times turgid, notably when turning into the evil Mr. Hyde. His defining feature? A Cockney accent. It's a misguided character who is always terrible and adds little to The Mummy as a movie. If anything, he makes it worse. He's not coming back, which only makes his existence all the more sad and The Dark Universe even more frustrating.
12. Inhumans kicks Dunkirk off of IMAX screens, proceeds to fail
Dunkirk was a film that restored faith in the theatrical experience, thanks in large part to its overwhelming power in IMAX. However, Marvel felt the need to interrupt its winning streak by premiering its new series Inhumans in IMAX a few weeks before its TV debut. Not since NBC aired Animal Practice during The Who's performance at the 2012 Olympics closing ceremony has a network felt so tragically tone deaf. Despite Marvel being on an upswing for the past few years, Inhumans is easily among their worst work in spite of having the awesome teleporting dog Lockjaw. Everything about the show is likely to become forgotten by this time next year, and its choice to exploit this while upsetting one of the best movies of 2017 only makes its reputation easier to lambast.
13. 13 Reasons Why gets second season
There's a lot to like about 13 Reasons Why. The most noteworthy being that it raised a conversation around teenage depression and suicide. The show was provocative and eventually gained controversy for depicting the act in graphic detail, leading to warning cards at the start of certain episodes. There's plenty of debate as to whether it handled the subject responsibly, but there's no doubt that it helped to tell a full story with convincing points along the way. Which raises the question, why does Netflix want another season of this show? It's one of the rare instances where a show should've stopped after one season, if just because there's nowhere else to go. 13 Reasons Why is a fascinating study of what leads people into a suicidal state, but it only feels like retreading familiar territory with this decision.
14. mother!
Some people loved this movie. Some people hated this movie (I HATED it). However, it's more interesting to find out that this movie lead to the separation of couple Darren Aronofsky and Jennfier Lawrence. She claimed that his ongoing discussion of the bad reviews lead her to hate him. It's kind of hilarious and works as a fascinating piece of satire for this masochistic, Lars von Trier-plagiarizing tale that tries to be profound in its allegories about the bible, celebrity, women, and the environment. It's a bit of everything, but its overwhelming and aggressive approach to subject matter definitely makes it hard to enjoy. If anything, the conversation after was a lot more fun than what was on screen. It's not clear how many rocks will be thrown at Aronofsky when he arrives at the red carpet of his next movie, but you better bet they'll be big rocks.
15. Aquaman in Justice League
He is the winner of the Captain Boomerang Award for 2017 with how useless he was. Right after the D.C. Extended Universe perfected Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman, they decided to introduce Aquaman by keeping him in line with popular mythology: a pop culture joke; a dude who lives in the sea with weird tribal tattoos and shouts "Yeah!" and "My man!" instead of being anywhere as compelling as The Flash or Batman (even Cyborg lucked out this time with some "emotional" back story). As much as he's a dated character, this portrayal reflects just how difficult it is to adapt him to a 2017 mentality, and makes his inevitable solo movie a lot more worrisome. It's bad enough that Justice League failed to have integral aquatic moments, but very little of what he did felt useful to the plot. Oh well, at least he said "My man!" a lot.
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